Cheat sheet · Repair

How to apologise so it actually lands

A rushed “sorry” can make things worse. Research has found which parts of an apology matter most — and which one you can leave out.

1. 1

   Own it — the most important part

   “I was wrong to ___.” No “but”, no “if you were hurt”.

   ResearchAcknowledging responsibility ranked first of six apology elements in two experiments with 755 people (Lewicki, Polin & Lount, 2016).

2. 2

   Offer to put it right

   “What would help?” or “Here's what I'll do.” A close second in importance.

   ResearchOffering to repair the damage ranked second — the next most powerful part of an apology (Lewicki et al., 2016).

3. 3

   Say you're sorry — and mean it

   Let them see that you feel it.

   ResearchExpressing regret was one of three elements roughly tied for third (Lewicki et al., 2016).

4. 4

   Explain briefly, without excuses

   One or two sentences on what went wrong. Then stop.

   ResearchExplaining what went wrong was also tied for third — useful, as long as it isn't an excuse (Lewicki et al., 2016).

5. 5

   Commit to doing it differently

   And then do it. That's what rebuilds trust.

   ResearchDeclaring you'll change was tied for third too; apologies with all six elements were rated best (Lewicki et al., 2016).